TUESDAY TIPS
February 28, 2023 - CALMING ACTIVITIES
Long day? Over stimulated child? Try not to react with anger. Remember that he’s not trying to give you a hard time;
he’s having a hard time. Focused, physical input and sensory feedback can quickly calm and re-organize an overstimulated child.
Find an activity that works for you and your child by learning what types of sensory input your child enjoys and benefits from. It’s like learning their sensory language.
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March 7, 2023 - TODDLER WALK
Want to see what your toddler or young child sees? Gain a better understanding of their experience and perspective? Here is an idea
- Get down on your knees or two whatever your child’s height is and take a walk around your house
- Start at the door - get down there and look around
- Begin your walk and notice what you observe
- What do you (they) see?
- Go through every room in your house
- What is interesting to you at this height? What is frustrating?
- What do you see at this height that you miss when you are 5’ or more
- Does your house look the same?
*** A whole new world exists knee high ***
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March 21, 2023 - THE GIANT HUG
A Wonderful Read…
In this lovely, sweet-natured story, a perky piglet named Owen finds an inventive way to send love long distance when he arranges to mail a “giant hug” cross-country to his granny. Not content to draw a picture of himself hugging Granny, Owen announces to his mother, “I want to send a real hug. I’ll give the mailman a hug and ask him to send it to Granny.” An endearing story that will warm your heart and give plenty of opportunities for hugs for you and your child. If you haven’t read it yet, find it and enjoy it over and over.
AUTHOR: Sandra Horning
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March 28, 2023 - TRANSITIONS II
More Thoughts on Transitions…
It can be hard to remember that toddlers & preschool children take a longer time to information than older children or adults (research has shown that it can take up to 45 second for a toddler to process directions). They have little sense of time: before, during, after. They can become completely absorbed in the moment and ‘after’ doesn’t completely exist for them. So saying to your child, “you can play for 5, 10 or 15 minutes and then we have to…” doesn’t register the same way as it does for older children.
Things to consider when developing strategies for transitions:
- How sudden is the transition? How quickly do you need her to stop playing?
- Do you need him to pack up as soon as you are ready? Are you running late?
- How involved is she in her playing?
- How do you like to be interrupted in the middle of a a focused activity? Can you empathize with how hard that is?
- What is he playing? Is she on an electronic?
- How long does she have to play between breakfast and leaving? Is there a way to shorten/extend/eliminate this extra time?
Morning transitions can be the hardest of the day. We are often rushed, sometimes late and have many things on our mind and tasks to accomplish before getting out that door for the day. Hopefully the above questions and consideration can inspire some ideas that will work for you and your family. Please reach out if you would like to discuss further.
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April 4, 2023 - IMAGINATIVE PLAY AND A BOX OF ODDS & ENDS
Parenting experts are in agreement that keeping a box of creative odds and ends as an alternative to traditional toys is a great way to spark imagination.
“Nothing reinforces the creative spirit and nourishes a child's
soul more than providing large blocks of time to engage
in spontaneous, self-directed play throughout the day.”
TRUE. This type of creative play encourages problem solving and independence. Research by The American Association of Pediatrics (AAP) has shown that free play can reduce anxiety, depression, and stress in children. In addition to the psycho-social benefits, studies have also shown that this type of play has the additional educational benefits of fostering more sustained focus on academic activities.
BUT, what happens when this beautiful process does not play out the way the experts suggest?
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April 11, 2023 - HITTING
Why is my child hitting? Can’t he behave like the other children?
How frustrating (and embarrassing) is it when your child impulsively hits another child (or you) for no apparent reason? Much of today’s literature focuses on our reactions - how do we calm and control our immediate triggers and not react impulsively out of anger? Yes, this is a vital step in responding to such a behavior in a productive. But we’re still left with a young child who just took a swing at us. Some kind of response is needed. Time out? Yell at your child? Hurt them back? Take away toys?
The attached article will give you some basic tools for what to do when your child hits. No strategy is going to work immediately. The key to teaching a young child not to hit (or any to modify any other unwanted behavior) is to be:
- Responsive (this is your stuff here)
- Repetitive (I know, so hard at times, right?)
- Patient (key word here!)
This takes time. Your child does not learn anything overnight - their brains are working overtime learning just how to make sense of this crazy world on a daily basis. Let this article inspire other ideas that work for your individual child. See how you can incorporate play and tricks for re-direction into these tools. And if you want to talk more about this, email me and we can set up a time - I’m always happy to talk.
http://www.phdinparenting.com/blog/2011/9/28/toddler-hitting-5-strategies-to-handle-it.html
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April 18, 2023 - MELTDOWN OR TANTRUM: CAN YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE?
While they often may look the same, the underlying motivation, need and trigger can be quite different. Laura Petix, a pediatric OT, interviews Dr. AnnLouise Lockhart, Psychologist and parent coach, on the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum. The interview offers many insights and thoughts about effective responses. I highly recommend other podcasts by Dr. Lockhart. She has a lot to offer.
Have a listen and enjoy
https://theotbutterfly.com/episode22/sensory-processing/
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April 25, 2023 - QUOTES TO MAKE YOU SMILE TODAY
Happy Tuesday! I thought that today could be a good day for a few laughs and light thoughts.
Here we go...
“Parenting is yelling, “You just had a snack!” Over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.”
Child: “Mom, I have a paper cut.”
Mom: “Cool, you were 9 pounds at birth.”
“You know you’ve grown a lot when you watch you kid lick something in public and you think, ‘eh, he’s licked worse.’”
“My kid is turning out just like me.
Well played, karma. Well played.”
“If I ever go missing, please follow my kids. They can find me no matter where I try to hide.”
“My nickname is ‘Mom,’
But my full name is ‘Mom Mom Mom Mom…’”
And finally...
“Parenting is trying to be fake mad when you kid does something bad but hilarious.”
I hope at least one of these can help you start your day with a smile.
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May 2, 2023 - PARENT PREPARATION
Help! The Strategy Isn’t Working!
If we know our children have difficulty handling certain situations, experts agree that preparation and problem solving ahead of time with your child can help. “Last night when I told you it was time for bed, it didn’t go so well. What can we do differently this time?” This is what you will read in many parenting books and it’s great advice. And it can work nicely. AND….. sometimes it doesn’t. And our children still melt down despite these fantastic strategies we’ve agreed upon. So where does that leave us?
It leaves us with our own preparation. If we can anticipate the oncoming challenge and play out different scenarios in our heads before the moment, we can usually find ways to maintain our cool and manage the moment with less drama. When my children were young and I knew there were choppy waters ahead, I sometimes put my therapist-hat on and would approach it as I would with a client. Yes, of course they were my children. But putting on my clinician’s hat for a moment (or pretending that my child was the neighbor's kid) gave me the distance I needed in that moment to look at the situations dispassionately and get us both through to the other side.
Aside from planning strategies for your child, do you have anything in your toolbox to help you prepare for and get through the next time they don’t work?
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May 9, 2023 - THE GOOD KNIGHT
A wonderful, sing-song story to share with your young child...
Repetition of words and sounds that you and your child can say/sing together night after knight.
The Good Knight is on his watch when he hears a sound. Roar! Is it a dragon? A great big dragon? He searches the woods and finds a surprise. Three very little dragons who are almost ready for bed. But who will read to them, tuck them in, and kiss them good night? Is this a job for the Good Knight?
Listen to it on youtube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHck__OG8zs
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May 16, 2023 - FALLING ASLEEP
For the child who wants you to stay with them as they fall asleep…
Start leaving a bit earlier, before your child is fully asleep. You can say that you are going to put on your pajamas or brush your teeth and that you will be right back to check on her. Your child will learn to fall asleep because instead of bracing himself for the separation, he now trusts that you will come back. They can relax and drift off to sleep. Just don’t forget to come back!!!! Their trust in you is everything.
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May 23, 2023 - WONDERFUL PARENT QUALITIES
This is a very simple - yet profound - tip this week.
Take a brief moment after reading this and identify three qualities of your parenting that you are truly proud of.
During the moment to moment micromanagement of caretaking, it’s easy to focus on what we didn’t get quite right (or got completely wrong) at any given time. When we are berating ourselves for not living up to our parenting ideal, it can be hard to notice all the ‘wonderful’ in our parenting. We all know that the positive is not as noticeable as the negative.
So…. pause, take a breath and come up with three qualities of your parenting about which you are proud (if more come to mind immediately, save them for tomorrow!). Write them down, say them out loud, tell your partner, keep them to yourself….. whatever works for you. Just recognize your ‘wonderful.’
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May 30, 2023 - MANAGING ANGER
Help Your Child To Develop Anger Management Skills: A Few Ideas To Try
Anger - it takes a lot of practice to learn how to manage and express it in balanced and effective ways. Our children are just learning and we have the opportunity to guide them as they experiment and find strategies of their own. Here are a couple of ideas to try:
- Create an Angry Thermometer/Scale. Invite your child to make it with you so it makes sense to them. Label each ‘degree’ (words or pictures) and post it where your child can see it. Encourage them to point out what degree of anger they feel in the moment. Maybe pair each degree with a movement or sound that your child can act out (growling, ripping up a piece of paper, a few air karate chops, etc). Pairing movements or sounds with feelings is a great way to integrate them and bring them to life.
- Give the feeling a voice. As your child’s frustration begins to rise, help them to create a voice for the anger. “I am so mad that..…” Use your voice to say what you think your child may be feeling and needing. “If I were a giant monster, I would throw that pillow over there and stomp on it….” If you are feeling really creative, act it out.
- Model how to deal with anger with self talk. Talk to yourself as you get frustrated. Label your feelings and then talk through how you can manage them. Remember that your child is always watching. Modeling balanced behavior is a great way to teach.
Everyone gets angry. Offering empathy for our children is important. But then they have to do something with the feelings. If you can, be playful and use play as a way to connect their anger with their behavior….. and with you.
Here’s an article with additional ideas that you may find helpful.
https://www.purewow.com/family/anger-management-for-kids
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June 6, 2023 - ANXIETY
Are You Noticing Your Child’s Anxiety Begin to Rise?
Grab a ball (or apple or anything you can toss) and teach them to pass it back and forth, from one hand to the other, crossing the mid line (the area between the pelvis and chest). If possible, help them to keep one hand in front of them as the other swings out. Do this for a minute and then stop and take a breath. Do you notice any decrease in his or her tension? If not, keep going. See if you can make it into a game.
Crossing the mid line in this way stimulates both hemispheres of the brain. When you activate both sides, you spread blood and electrical impulses throughout the brain and this floods the area of anxiety and diffuses it. It can work for adults too.
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June 13, 2023 - REQUESTS VERSUS DIRECTIONS
“Johnny, can you please pick up your legos?……………… Johnny, I asked you to put your legos away……………..
Johnny? What did I tell you?………….. Put those legos away now……. Johnny! Now!”
Maybe this sounds familiar?
Requests versus Directions. If we make a suggestion or request, we offer our child a choice. If we offer a choice, we offer an option to choose not to comply (remember, if you give a mouse a cookie…). Parents might think they are being respectful by asking the child to do something. But in asking, we inadvertently offer a choice. And do we really expect that our child will make the choice that we want and proceed following through to completion?
So what happens then if our child chooses not to comply? We might become frustrated, our child can become confused with the mixed message between a request and a direction and emotions can escalate.
You ask you child to do something… but unless they do what you want, you get upset.
Of course we all want to be flexible, respectful and polite in our directions. And a direction can be respectful. But we need to clearly let our child know what they need to do and what the expectation is. Part of this is the approach: your tone of voice, perhaps your body language, sometimes the timing needs to be considered, an awareness of how your child processes information, etc. Try to be conscious of your approach, respectfully tell your child what they need to do and when it needs to be completed.
Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Of course, this is a general approach and, with all due respect, each scenario is different. If you would like to talk about your specific circumstances and child, please feel free to reach out to me and schedule a call.
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June 20, 2023 - SAY GOODBYE TO “GOOD JOB”
“Good job!” can be a hard habit to break.
My phrase was once, “nice job, sweetheart.” So what’s wrong with that? Of course, we want to offer positive feedback to our children and let them know when they are doing something right rather than catching all the times they are doing something wrong or constantly nagging.
The books tell us not to constantly correct or point out what they are doing wrong.
Now we’re told not to point out what they are doing right????
This is getting complicated!
The concern is that when children (and adults alike) hear something over and over and over (and over and over…),
the voice can become a drone and the words and meaning behind them no longer meaningful.
If we say “good job” (or “thank you”) to every little thing, what does it mean when it is really a valid response? It just blends in there with all the other drone sounds, the meaning diluted by all the other “good jobs.”
I encourage parents to think before they reflexively say whatever phrase they use and ask themselves:
Is a response needed here (not always!) and what response is relevant to this particular situation?
Also, consider mixing up the actual words of praise and your tone of voice so it doesn’t all become background noise.
I have attached an article by Aubrey Hargis, a Montessori educator who has also written books on child development and discipline that I recommend. She approaches the issue from a different angle that I think is interesting to consider as well.
https://www.childoftheredwoods.com/articles/good-job
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June 27, 2023
